my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize