GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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