You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
