You're my little dorito
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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