Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
