My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
