I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
