apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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