Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
