closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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