Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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