I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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