how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
