I'm jealous of your bromance
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
