I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize