his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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