he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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