The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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