Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
