____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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