The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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