I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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