We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
