Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
