You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.