shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize