Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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