Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
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Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.