They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz