im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.