mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed