My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
