The best revenge is premature balding
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
