Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
