if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
