i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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