Your face is a jimmy john
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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