My friends, they love my intelligence
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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