I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
