Banned from zoo.
Again?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
