Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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