So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
