You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
