A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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