Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
