you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
