All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
