I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So here I am, sexting at work.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
