somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
