I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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