ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Duck Duck Cougar?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
