I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
