Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
