My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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