can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can you bring me the toilet please
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
