Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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