Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
