he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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