OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
