you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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