Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
