Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
