I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
