I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Who died my cat blue again?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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