New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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