Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
