I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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