he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
