You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
