I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
