Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
