i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
